Merde, merde, merde. I'm up to 123.4. And I have no idea how that happened. Fuck!!!

Thanks to this, I'm not eating until I get below 121.6. I swear to God. And if I pass out at my horseback riding lesson tomorrow because of it, I DON'T CARE! I need to get rid of all those evil calories... Gah....

And now my boyfriend is ignoring me on AIM... And I haven't even started my homework, and it's already 7:45pm. Gah. He probably thinks I'm too fat to talk to.

I got the guy I wanted. =) Muahahaha! Actually I wasn't sure I wanted him. But now I'm very sure that I want him. He's so perfect.... I'm not going to mention his name, since someone could use that to track me down on this blog, but he knows who he is and that I love him more than anything.

And I want to say thank you to my best friend, for being there and just being so nice about how difficult I was last week. I'm better now. I won't bite your head off like that again, I promise. =)


Oh and Jeremy Camp is mine now. Haha... He's so cute. And so amazingly faithful. It's beautiful. Hear My Voice by Jeremy Camp... Giving You All Control... Take My Life... Ahh, Heaven.

And now it's Falling Over by Disciple. And before that I had Apocalyptica, I Am Ghost, and DIGIMON MUSIC!!!! Digimon dominates all. =)

I'm back up to 121.8 today. =( And I probably will be at least that tomorrow, since I accidentally binged on dried fruit today (bananas and mangoes). =/ But tomorrow, I swear I'm only going to eat apples. I'm dead serious. And I don't think we have enough apples for me to go above 500 calories. =)

Sadly, I think they might force me to eat tomorrow. Which will royally suck if they do.

So I'm back on AIM.... =/ I know, I haven't reached 118 yet. But I will! I swear! I just think I'll get more motivation on AIM now... If I stop losing weight or not lose weight as fast, then I'll get off AIM. Honestly. =)

120.6!!! 2.1 lbs until I reach my goal! Sadly, I binged today... But it was healthy low-cal food, so it can't be too bad, right? Plus it was really cold so I probably burned more calories.

And Giving You All Control by Jeremy Camp is amazing... It's so beautiful... I think I'm in love with him. =)

Blehh. I'm so fat. =( I had a salad today (no dressing though.. and it's 15 cals PER BAG of salad...) and then I... snapped. I had a small handful of walnuts with a little bit of organic honey on them. =/ They were good. But not good at the same time. And now I have a killer headache. But I did walk for about 45 minutes today, half of the time walking against the wind, so that'll burn some of those nasty calories off, right?

Oh merde... I snapped. My mom made me eat some salad, and after that I had this 250 cal piece of cheese. It wasn't even that good. And now my stomach hurts like hell. And horseback riding was canceled tonight because of the weather (damn February!). But I'm going on a 2-mile walk tomorrow, no matter what the weather is. My mom thinks I'm going to go buy more apple chips (she thinks I like them haha). Right.... The whole thing's just an excuse to burn more calories. =)

=) Today was a semi-good day. My mom had a heart attack when she realized I wasn't going to eat any grains, meat, or desserts for the next 40 days (it took a while to sink in I guess), but I convinced her I'd be fine. Sadly, that means I have to eat eggs and drink milk now. =/ Not fun. So today, I had...

-An egg-70 cals
-Some apple chips-50 cals
-Vitamin Water-75 cals (haven't finished it yet, not sure if I will today.

But I have horseback riding today, so I'll probably be able to burn that off and more. =)


And I weighed myself today and I'm down to 123! EXACTLY 123! That's way better than the 124.8 I was at the past two days. ^.^

YES!!!!! Lent is awesome!

Today, I asked my mom if for Lent I could give up grains, sweets, and meat. And she said yes. That'll be easy of course, but that will also give me an excuse not to eat or to eat after they eat, so they don't notice that I'm not eating. My best friend really is Ana....


Just wanted to post that because I'm really excited about it. ^.^

Today was.... bad.

I had a Spanish review session after school today for the competition next Friday, and after that I walked to the mall (30 minutes, going the long way, which I did of course). At the mall... there's a chocolate shop. A really good chocolate shop. And I got a candied ginger dark chocolate thing from there... =/ I ate that as I was walking across the street to the bookstore, got some manga. Thought I'd be good. Wandered over to the shoe store, didn't find anything interesting though. But then I went to Starbucks. =/ Bleh.

At Starbucks, I got a spinach/feta/tomato/egg wrap. Gah. I don't even want to know how many calories that was. And I got a dark chocolate mocha frappe (190 cals), but I only drank 2/5 of it and tossed the rest. And I only ate half the wrap. So maybe it wasn't too bad? Then I had a cup of brown rice for dinner because my mom made me eat it. =/


Thankfully, I did spend 30-45 minutes wandering around the mall, mostly out in the cold. So that probably burned some calories. And all the stair climbing and rushing between classes at school... And tomorrow I have horseback riding, so I'll burn more calories then. =) And my parents won't be home for a while, so I can tell them I ate after school even though I won't of course. ^.^

Well, today was better. I had a 120 cal mango juice (thankfully, it was the last one haha). Then I had some toast + cheese, which was 200 calories because I didn't want to pass out while walking back from my piano teacher's house in the cold. Then I'll just run up and down the stairs a bit to burn more cals.

Yesterday my counselor said that I had amazing willpower because I said no to the cookies she offered me. =D Just wanted to toss that out there.


Amazing song though... Take My Life by Jeremy Camp. I love that song! And I Am Ghost... I got really ADD thinking about them during Spanish today because we were joking around about ghosts (some kid said "yo acabo de pasar por mi perro"... genius kid!). It was great.